King Carl XVI, please, invade us!
Posted by romacogitans su 30 aprile 2007
Open letter to His Majesty the King of Sweden Carl XVI Gustaf
Sorry if I bother you, but I think you are one of the few people on this planet who can try to give some dignity to this Land that a long time ago was a great Country, but now it is just a mud of boiling excrements. We are truly desperate. Here I go with my proposal.
Your birthday, our hopes
For you birthday, today April 30, make yourself a present: become king of the most south-American country in Europe! Anarchy, oppression and vexations rule our everydayness, but I am sure that under your wise control this Peninsula can live a rebirth. We do not just have good food and beautiful weather: it is true, we do not play the Mandolin anymore, but still eat spaghetti and pizza, and you will be surprised to discover how much potential this place can still offer to a sovereign. A beautiful gift for a King! You just have to try to become a lot more undemocratic, and you will conquer our respect!
Once we were together
Your ancestor Frederick II was one of the most magnificent and enlighten persons who ever reigned in this country, and nothing has bettered here since he died… Especially the mentality did not improve: anthropologically and socially speaking, here it is still the 13th century, even if the average cultural level if worse than back then.
Your myths, our culture
On the other side you will find a country ready to worship anybody, especially a new god: no, not Odin, but Mr Nokia. Yes, of course we heard about Odin: we also buy Marvel comics, and we perfectly know his son Thor is the king of thunder, a very good friend of Capitan America. So, as you can see, our cultural level is much better than people abroad normally think.
Just send over around 2000 Nokia representatives with the newest cell phones available instead of the army and you will conquer us in no time! Moreover most of our army is abroad (Afghanistan, Lebanon), and Police & Carabinieri are not gonna give you any trouble, because have no psychological incentives (lowered by an awful economical treatment) nor practical possibilities (their car have no petrol: we used that money for buying the TV decoders! I told you we are a modern country!) in doing their duties: they are very few underpaid people who are busy tackling the huge amount of criminality, fighting against local no-global, black blocks (who in reality are lazy communists) and football supporters. You know, the social class war in reality is fought among poor people, while the privileged ones keep on spoiling the Country. Be sure: I would rather prefer to pay taxes to a honest monarch like you – even if you might spend the day riding a horse or going to the beaches – than keep on feeding the greedy leeches who have being ruling this Country in the last century!
A new flag among hundreds of flags
Nobody will notice a kingdom will take the place of the Republic, nor the Italian flag will be replaced by the Swedish one: we just care about our football teams and their flags! If I can give you an advise, once you are our king, do whatever you want, change ANYTHING that might please you, but do not touch our favorite toy, the only and true love of our lives: the football championship.
Do not worry for the language burden. Already most of Italian people rape the wonderful Italian language with some promiscuous dialectal forms and with their broken English. Italian “businessmen” (the correct English word is “usurers”) in particular are conceited braggarts and pathetic followers of the “American way”.
I am begging you: accept this crown, make the Italian Peninsula a colony of yours, and rule us! Bring us unknown or forgotten concepts such as dignity, respect, values, equity, democracy, laws, freedom, responsibility, accountability, meritocracy… and intelligence…
If you become our king, for sure you can offer us for free the latest versions of Nokia mobiles! This is all we need! And do not forget to use new cell phones to invade us instead of weapons!!! We will surrender IMMEDIATELY!!!!!
With my deepest respect
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